Making Myself Ill


Emma Honestly blog
I'm a worrier. I always have been. And since moving out last July it feels like I've had an awful lot to worry about, and a fair amount of things to get me down. Initially, I was so happy to have my own place. I was waiting to start a new job, and I had a loving relationship with someone who I thought, and still do think, the world of. I didn't anticipate being emergency taxed to the point where I almost couldn't keep up with my rent. I didn't anticipate that changing my contraceptive pill would throw me into a spiral of extreme anxiety and low mood. I didn't anticipate the devastating effect these things would have on my relationship. And then things started looking a bit brighter. My ex kept popping up though, which I struggled with, and still do struggle with. I find it almost impossible to tell some who I love so much to just leave me alone, even though I know I should. car then failed it's MOT, and I didn't anticipate having to spend what was left of my savings on repairing it. And I didn't anticipate needing my brace removed earlier than expected, and now being in a position where I'm struggling to cover that. And on top of all of those things that my brain just cannot stop itself worrying about and thinking over, I've applied for a doctorate in a highly competitive field, and I did not anticipate how stressful this process (including writing the application and online screening tests) would be.

All in all, I've worried to the point of exhaustion and I've made myself physically ill, and seriously knocked my mental state. I've struggled to relax, but I have found that my aerial silks classes help me clear my mind, for one hour a fortnight at least. If anyone has any really positive, really useful tips on how to relax or destress, I'd really appreciate those suggestions.

All my love,
Em x

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  1. Aw so sorry you're feeling like this!
    I've been really anxious lately and keep waking up in the night all panicked, even small things like doing my washing have totally ridiculously panicked me and become a mission!
    I keep a little notebook by my bed / in my bad to write down anything that's worrying me then underneath write a couple of bullet points about how and when I will sort it. It kind of helps to have it written down so it's not just floating in your brain!

    And keep drinking the tea and getting lost in a good book :)
    Rosie x